An excerpt

Me: So, what do you think I should do?
Him: I think the solution is that you should stop behaving like an asshole. Also, I think i should take you out to get smashed now.
Me: But you don't drink anymore.
Him: I don't. You're the one who's getting smashed, not me.
Me: Who's paying for the drinks?
Him: You are.
Me: Oh. (Long Pause) Ok.