In a watered-down bar, under the sea.

Me: Yeah, i'd like a gin and tonic that tastes like rain water and bad alcohol.
Waitress: I don't think we make that kind of drink!
Me: You did yesterday.*
Mystery Accomplice: How do you like the music?
Me: I've heard better ringtones. Are we going someplace else after this?
Mystery Accomplice: You don't like this bar?
Me: I'll put it this way: if i'd wanted to see so many drunk english i would have gone to drunk england.

*very old joke